15 Effective Ways to Communicate with Your Spouse Without Fighting

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Let’s face it: All marriages have it’s ups and downs. No marriage is perfect.

Almost every marriage that have very good communication skills started off not being so good.

It probably took years to get to where they are. That point where they don’t have to yell, cuss, walk on egg shells or be condescending to one another. Communicating with your partner calmly.

Doesn’t that sound amazing?

It does to me.

It is really hard to have a conversation with someone who refuses to see your side of things and thinks that their side is the only side that should be heard. I swear, these people are not normal.

They say “communication is key”. I believe this.

I think that if people communicated more often, a lot of misunderstanding can be avoided. A lot of unnecessary arguments would be avoided and it would be a more peaceful home to be in.

I’ve been in relationships before where I felt like I had to walk on eggshells because of the “what if this person starts to argue or flips the whole thing on me?” and I promise you, it was horrible.

I hated feeling like I couldn’t express myself without it backfiring on me or making it seem like I was the one starting the arguments. I was going crazy.

So, what did I do?

I left and I never went back.

communicate with your spouse

But now that I am married. I can’t just leave, right? Of course not. So that meant going through some serious counseling and healing on both parts.

All we wanted to do was to be able to communicate better without letting our feelings get in the way of logical, calm discussions where we are both heard and understood.

So, how do we express our feelings to our spouse without it turning into an argument every time?

The first thing would be to identify what usually brings about the arguments. Is it the tone that you’re using? How about body language? Face expression? There is so many factors to this. You can be “expressing” your feelings to your spouse but all that just may sound like you’re just pointing out his faults.

For example, “I am tired everyday and when you come home from work you don’t help me at all. You just go take a shower and sleep.” You see how that may come off as “complaining”, “pointing fingers” or “attacking” to him?

As stay-at-home-moms, the last thing we need is for our spouse to feel like we’re nagging after a long day of work. Yes, we are home all day with the kids, cooking and cleaning up after them and running errands, but if you want to communicate better with your spouse without arguing, there’s a few things you must do.

communicate with your spouse

We have our needs, but men have their needs as well.

Communicating with your spouse often can lead to more discussions without arguing and more mutual understandings.

Don’t speak if you’re upset

Ever spoken to someone when you were mad and said things that you can’t take back? It’s best to wait until you are feeling more and less stressed out because you’ll be more clear headed to start a discussion.

Understand your spouse

Understanding your spouse means to sympathize with them; walk in their shoes. See their point of view and not just yours.

Be quick to listen

Show that you are paying attention to your spouse: hold eye contact and engage in face expressions that are reassuring to him.

Be as honest as you can to communicate with your spouse

Men aren’t the brightest when it comes to knowing what we want, so it’s best to just be honest and say whatever needs to be said in the most respectful way possible. Being honest also means not holding anything back and just being open and vulnerable with our spouse.

Don’t assume

Assuming what someone is thinking or trying to say can be a form of assuming control. Instead of assuming, just ask. For example, “the kids and I were waiting for you for dinner. Why didn’t you come on time?”, instead of “you didn’t come to dinner because you was out with your boys, right?” That can start an argument real quick.

Ask for his opinion

Asking for your spouse’s opinion shows him that you care about what they think or feel about certain things. This makes engagement much more natural.

Compliment him

Affirmations are awesome when it comes to letting your spouse know that they are loved and appreciated. I noticed that when my husband and I started complimenting each other more often, the arguments actually started to get better. Try it!

Say sorry

Admit to him when you’re wrong or wasn’t being gentle-hearted or even offensive. The Bible says that it’s better for a man to sleep in corner the roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 21:9

Show appreciation

Always show appreciation to let him know that his efforts are seen, recognized and ultimately appreciated.

Be open minded

Don’t be guilty of being one-sided or thinking that your way is the only right way. It’s toxic in any kind of relationship.

Talk about your sex life

Don’t be afraid to talk about your likes and dislikes when it comes to sex. As SAHMs, we are always with our kids, cooking, cleaning or running errands so it’s not a surprise that we are tired and may not be in the mood to do anything. That may also mean that the things that used to turn us on before having kids, doesn’t really do it for us anymore. This is totally normal.

Use “I” more often

Remember what I said about “complaining” or “attacking”? Instead of using “you” all the time, try using “I”. For example, “I feel like _______ when you_______ because I _______.” Whatever you want to say, just make sure you aren’t “attacking” or “nagging”.

Speak his love language

Communicating with your spouse is not all about just words. Speaking their love language is essential because not everyone gives and receives love the same exact way.

For example, I don’t really want my husband to be giving me gifts cause it doesn’t do anything for me, but I do love when he spends time with me. Which means my love language is quality time. Check out this site for more information on love languages.

Set boundaries

Setting boundaries can be scary especially if you don’t think your spouse can respect them. But it is important to communicate certain things that you want and for them to be respected.

What do you want? Do you want to have a discussion without your spouse raising his voice? Or maybe you just want to take a bubble bath with no interruptions? Whatever it is, communicate that!

Repeat back what you’re hearing

Repeating back what you’re hearing will show your spouse that not only are you trying to understand his side, but that you also don’t want to assume something that’s not true. Repeating back what you’re hearing can diffuse a lot of tensions in any argument.

Of course, this is not just for us. Have your spouse read this too so that you both have a clear understanding of what both should be working on.

Communicating with your spouse shouldn’t be scary, especially if you know you got a good one at home.

Remember, communication is key. Practice it!

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