It is not easy to find who you are again after you have been through the whirlwind that is having kids. You are redefining yourself after kids. You are a stay-at-home mom trying to figure out how to love yourself again. You are healing and you are capable of new things.
Your kids and marriage don’t define who you are.
You are your own person with your own flaws, capabilities, healing journey, goals and destination.
You are stronger than what you think. You are still someone under that never-done bun and baggy clothes.
After your kids are born, you may find yourself completely overwhelmed and struggling to find an answer to the question, “who am I now?” And you ask this question because you’ve neglected yourself and never took the time to nurture your own interests and yourself in general.
This sense of loss of identity is tough! I know this for a fact. It is important to recognize it and strive to find yourself again. Most times, this realization happens suddenly and it forces you to look in the mirror to ask yourself that existential question, “who am I, really?” You may find yourself feeling like you’ve lost your spark and enthusiasm for life and may doubt your own capabilities. You are no longer the same person you once were, and it can feel overwhelming to try to figure out who you have become. Please know this: it is okay. I am going through this right with you.
Finding yourself again after motherhood is important
The first thing you need to do on your journey of redefining yourself is to find yourself again. Start small and make time for yourself without feeling guilty. Do things that made you happy before – reading a book, going for a walk, cooking a new recipe, exercising. Find the things you are passionate about and keep exploring new hobbies.
Don’t be scared of trying something new, because you will be surprised to find out that you actually like things you’ve ignored. Look for inspiration in other moms who have been through the same journey of rediscovering themselves. You can inspire each other with stories, tips and motivation. You can join a community or group of like-minded mothers and learn from each other’s experiences. Working alongside others that have already gone through the same journey as yourself can be of great help.
Embracing the new you
One of the main benefits of redefining yourself is that you learn to embrace the new you. You may realize that some things have changed, like your body, for example, while other parts remain the same. But the trick here is, no matter what changes, you are still all the same person.
Be accepting and loving to yourself, be patient and gentle, take care of yourself, forgive yourself and listen to your needs. Failure and success may come in waves, and there will be sometimes when you don’t feel like you are taking any steps forward, but that’s ok. It is a journey, so there will be both successes and failures. When things don’t work out, let it be and don’t let it weaken your motivation. Step out of the box you are used to and try something different.
Being confident in your newfound identity
Once you have embraced the new you, it is time to be confident in your newfound identity. Being confident and secure about who you are and what you stand for can be a challenging experience. Hopefully, you can find some peace in knowing that you can still hold onto the pieces you love most and build on them as well.
To help boost your confidence, practice affirmations and positive thinking. Remind yourself that you are strong and capable and nothing can stop you from achieving what you have set your mind to. Write down your thoughts and goals and keep them in a place you can refer to often. Talk to yourself out loud and have conversations with yourself as if you were talking to a best friend.
Redefining yourself after kids may take some time but with the right attitude, you can be sure you can find yourself again. You may discover that you are capable of things you’ve never thought of and that you can be someone totally different than you were before. Enjoy the journey, make friends, laugh out loud and revel in the process of discovering and enjoying the person you have become.