Lack of Intimacy after Baby and How to Fix it

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Kids can really take the spice out of your life if you let them. Like, seriously. When it’s to get down and dirty with your partner, here comes an 8-month-old crying to be fed. I really be looking at this little girl like, “you couldn’t pick a better time, huh?”

Lack of intimacy after baby can put a strain on your marriage. I get it, you are too tired of having to do all the same sh*t during the day to then have to force yourself to be ready for sex. It is hard. I know, I’ve been there. Still am. But I do remember this: I enjoy having sex with my husband. It feels good. So I want it when I can have it. If you have no desire for sex though, check out this post here.

Now, seeing your spouse as more than just a responsible parent or provider for your family is essential for any marriage to stay healthy and happy. Just making the transition from just you and your partner to a whole family, is difficult. Trying to keep the romance alive when you’re playing multiple roles like parent, housekeeper, chef and more…can really put a big gap on your relationship. But don’t let anything come between you and your spouse, even your kids.

Having sex has a lot of benefits other than it feeling good. This post here goes into more details on that.

lack of intimacy after baby

Lack of intimacy after baby doesn’t have to be forever, so, what can we do about it? As a SAHM who still struggles to find a rhythm with my lovely husband that works for the both of us, the only thing I can do is tell you what I have been doing to try and keep the spark alive.

Be intentional about quality time

Romantic gestures don’t have to involve expensive gifts or elaborate dates. Small gestures like cooking dinner together or taking a walk around the neighborhood can go a long way in making each other feel special. And if you want to get really creative, try doing something out of your comfort zone like dancing lessons or having a picnic on the beach! Setting aside quality time to reconnect with each other is a super important part of keeping the romance alive. For me personally, I live in NYC where there is more apartment buildings than tress. So, whenever we are either cooking or cleaning, we are talking to each other and not ignoring one another.

Schedule sexy time

Okay, when we use the word “schedule”, it just takes the fun out of it and it makes it seem more like a chore, or a job. But I promise, if you schedule the sex, what that can do is make you look forward to it with excitement. Think about scheduling sexy time into your weekly routine — no more excuses! Schedule some private time for just the two of you where you can focus on being intimate with each other without any distractions from kids or work. Create a healthy habit when it comes to your marriage.

Communicate your needs openly and honestly

The key to keeping any relationship alive is communication – especially when it comes to physical intimacy. Don’t let anything between you and your spouse get in the way of being open and honest about what makes you happy in bed (or anywhere else!). Whether it’s talking about fantasies or trying new things together, communication is essential for building trust and maintaining an active sex life as a couple. If what you need is more foreplay, tell him. How about more soft biting or talking softly in your ear? Tell him that too. Also, don’t forget that there are a lot of other ways to show affection besides sex — hugs, compliments, hand-holding, massages …the list goes on!

Get creative in the bedroom

Don’t be afraid to get a little naughty in the bedroom! This could mean trying out different positions, dressing up, role playing or simply talking dirty with each other. Keeping things hot and spicy can help keep that flame of love burning bright between you two.


I’m not too crazy about quickies because after 3 kids, my body can’t get ready too quick the way it used to before 😂 But I have also notice that if we don’t do a quickie, we might’ve not have time to have sex that day.

  1. Make time for each other – Even if it’s only 15 minutes each day, make sure that you both set aside time together without the kids. Talk about anything other than parenting or work-related topics; just enjoy each other’s company!
  2. Send sexy texts throughout the day– Texting isn’t just for teenagers anymore. You can use texting as a way to suggest something naughty later in the evening or send sexy messages, sexy videos or pictures throughout the day when you’re apart from one another.
  3. Schedule sexy time – If your life is too hectic for spontaneous sex, then try scheduling regular sexy time instead. Whether it’s once a week or once every few weeks, make sure to some intimate moments together on your calendar so that neither one of you forgets about them.
  4. Don’t lose intimacy – Intimacy doesn’t always have to involve physical contact either; it can also mean doing small thoughtful things for each other throughout the day like sending a “I miss you” or “I want you to bad” text or leaving a love note with his lunch before he leaves for work in the morning—these little gestures show that despite all of life’s distractions, your partner still means everything to you.

Marriage is hard; it takes hard work and dedication from both partners if they want their relationship to last happily ever after (at least until the kids move out!). While parenting is important, don’t forget about keeping that romantic spark alive with your spouse—it’s essential for maintaining a healthy marriage even after having kids and settling into married life.

Keeping the romance alive after marriage and kids doesn’t have to be complicated. Take advantage of small moments throughout the day when you can show affection; plan regular date nights; communicate openly about what works for both partners; schedule sexy time; and don’t forget that physical intimacy isn’t everything—hugging, kissing, cuddling…all great ways for couples to stay connected even when life gets hectic!

What are you doing to reconnect with your spouse after having babies?

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