As a stay-at-home mom, I often find myself feeling guilty for not having a career of my own. I’ve always wanted to be a midwife, if not, an EMT. The decision that me and my husband made about me being a SAHM while he worked has made me question a lot of my decision-making, especially when it comes to my children. Being a SAHM meant that I would be the default parent, and that gave me anxiety…still does.
I made the decision to put my children first, and I’ve never looked back. Being a SAHM made me realize so much and the amount of things I’ve learned is truly unbelievable, to me. Motherhood is teaching me different things everyday. This journey has been teaching me that these little human beings are extensions of me and my husband: our character, our mood, some habits.. I’m dealing with little people all day. Little people that remind me of me and who I am, and even though I get irritated at times, I don’t regret my decision.
I found some benefits of being a stay-at-home-mom
Choosing to stay at home with my kids was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I get to be there for all the important moments, like the first time they said “mama” or their first steps.
I never very rarely miss milestones. When my kids say a new word, I’m the first person to hear it. Or if they do something “cool” like doing a handstand, I’m the first one to see it.
I also get to be there to answer my 6-year-old big questions like “why do ““why are there mean kids”?
I’m glad I’m the person they are around more often. Have you watched the news on how some teachers are abusing these kids in school without any remorse? I saw a video about 2 weeks ago where a teacher was punching this middle schooler like he was a grown man. I would have to be put in jail! How dare you touch a child like that!
Being around makes me feel good about my kids being safe from abusers and bullies in school.
Also, I really do think that some of these things being taught in school are widely inappropriate and should be left to the parents to teach their kids.
Being a stay-at-home mom has also allowed me to see how different my kids are from one another which is cool because I have been learning their like; dislikes and overall character.
The challenges of being a stay-at-home-mom
Of course, there are challenges to being a stay-at-home mom as well. The work is literally never-ending: cooking, cleaning, cleaning up pooped diapers, errands, appointments, etc. I am home every single day unless I have to go and run and errands, so I barely go out.
- One CON is that I am always with a child and am rarely alone. If I try to use the bathroom, I am not able to lock the door because my children find their way to me. Every waking moment I am with a child. Even at night. I don’t mind having my babies; I just want 1 hour for myself every day. There is so much that we struggle with that we don’t talk about, only with other SAHMs that can relate to what we are going through. I’m mentally exhausted.
- The other thing that I have a challenge is…healing my inner child through motherhood (I wrote a post about this here if you want to read more on that). Basically, I am forced to treat my children differently than I was treated and raised because I choose to. When I see my children, I see babies who don’t know what they’re doing and need guidance- not an adult screaming at them or spanking them because they did something that is age-appropriate behavior, but for some reason it ticked the adult off. I see in the way that I speak to my children just how different me and my siblings were spoken to while growing up.
- The other thing that I have a challenge is…healing my inner child through motherhood (I wrote a post about this here if you want to read more on that). Basically, I am forced to treat my children differently than I was treated and raised because I choose to. When I see my children, I see babies who don’t know what they’re doing and need guidance- not an adult screaming at them or spanking them because they did something that is age-appropriate behavior, but for some reason it ticked the adult off. I see in the way that I speak to my children just how different me and my siblings were spoken to while growing up. This challenge is especially hard for me because I see that I needed the treatment that I give my children when I was a kid myself. It’s hard. My mother was with me all day and I barely remember my childhood. I am making sure that my children remember theirs.
- Another CON is that since I do not have an outside job, I cannot provide financially to my home. That sometimes makes me feel like I am not doing enough – even though I am providing in every other way in the home: cleaning, cooking, cleaning poopy diapers and everything in between.
Balancing the identity a of Stay-at-Home Mom and an actual human with feelings
This one of those issues that SAHMs are currently dealing with: the fact that we have to remind ourselves and the people around us that we are actually humans underneath the SAHM title. We have to remind everyone that we are our own person with our own feelings and thoughts and that we are more than just mothers who wipe butts and cook and clean all day. People has this misconception that SAHMs have time to do a lot of things because “we don’t do anything all day”…the audacity.
Choosing my kids over my career was a difficult decision, but I’m confident that it was the right choice for me. Being a stay-at-home mom has allowed me to be there for my children during all their important moments, while also giving me the flexibility to explore my own interests and passions. Despite the challenges, I’m grateful for the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom and to raise my children with love and care.
Was it worth it? The simple answer is yes.