Do you remember how your parents used to treat you when you were a child? Do you find yourself treating your kids the same way and then feeling guilty? It means it is time to start healing your inner child through motherhood.
As a mother myself, who did go through emotional abuse as a child, I promised myself that I wouldn’t do the same thing to my kids.
I hated feeling the way my parents would make me feel.
With no care in the world.
Without thinking about how I (and my other 6 siblings) would feel inside.
I remember the times I would lay in bed crying because my mother would say things to me that were so uncalled for. I don’t understand how any parent can do this to their kids without thinking about how they are going to feel or how it might affect them in their adult life.
Let me tell you something: I refuse to turn into my mother. Are you with me on this?
She would say things like “I should have aborted you”, “God is watching everything you guys are doing to me”, and my personal favorite “don’t worry, you have kids now and your time will come.” I also remember her telling us “you’re too fat, you need to workout”. As a matter of fact, she still tells us this to this day. When I told her I was going to homeschool because it’s better, it nearly gave her a heart attack saying that it was the worst thing I can do to my kids 😐
Why do parents do this?
When I gave birth to my first born, I couldn’t imagine telling her things like that. And now with 3 kids in total, you can’t pay me enough to hurt them in any way.
Healing your inner child is important.
Then I learned the term “gentle parenting” which at first annoyed me because I’m what you would call “old school”. Again, it is all that I knew because that’s how I was raised.
But the more I watched videos the more I was like “okay I’m doing this very wrong. This isn’t normal.” I would do or say something to my toddler and inside of me I’m feeling all these feelings of guilt and it would remind me of how I was being treated as a child and that’s when I said that I will try something different.
It started with showing more affection to my toddler. More kisses, more hugs and more time together. I don’t remember spending quality time with my mom unless it was to discipline or to clean.
Sure, we went to the park and watched movies as a family but that was about it.
Listen, there comes a point where you desperately want to heal all that hurt and pain that you’re storing up inside. Where you want to talk about it, forgive, let it go and finally move on.
If this is you, you are already in the first step to healing you inner child.
But I want to make this next point very clear: our parents did to us what was done to them; they didn’t know any better. But it is up to us to stop the cycle and break this generational curse.
Our kids are not our enemies and we shouldn’t see them this way.
I’m not going to lie: motherhood can be emotionally exhausting, but motherhood can also be a place of self-awareness and healing.
I decided to change.
I decided that my children’s mental and emotional state is so important to me, that I was going to face my own emotional health head-on.
But it wasn’t easy. It still isn’t.
There are times where all I want to do is scream “STOOOPPP!!” at my kids but most of the time, I catch myself before I do.
So, how do you go about healing your inner child through motherhood without going crazy?
Below I list what I have learned from other people and what I have personally implemented myself based on how my children are.
Respect your child’s boundaries
It’s okay if they say “no” or “I don’t want to do that” because they are overwhelmed to do something or they are simply uncomfortable. Give them space and also a chance to give you a reason why they feel the way they do and like that both of you can come to a solution.
Teach the correct names for anatomy
This is a no brainer. You must teach your kids the correct anatomy terms of all of their body parts so they can tell you if something happens the right way. Not “kitty cat” or “ding dong”.
Give yourself a break if you have to
I know when my kids are getting on my last nerve I just want to either scream or cry. Get away for 5 minutes and breath and try it all again. Some parents do lose it and do unthinkable things to their babies. Have you seen the news?
Tell your child you’re healing your inner child
I just did this recently. I sat my toddler down and explained to her that I sometimes treat her the way my mother treated us but that I am trying to stop it. I told her that I don’t know too much and to help me be a better mommy to her. She heard me and said “it’s okay, I understand.” 😊
Let your kids get dirty or wet (once in a while)
Okay, I really hate it when my kids get dirty and I just want to ‘spank’ them but then I think, “okay, this is an age-appropriate behavior” so why spank? Let them run and get wet in the hotter seasons. Let them run outside while it’s raining. It’s very healing to see your kids have fun.
Hear them out
One thing about my momma, is that to this day, she won’t let us explain ourselves. We are all grown and it’s frustrating. Imagine not hearing a toddler out? I wonder how that makes them feel.
Be nonjudgmental
Way too many time we judge our kids for things that to us, they aren’t supposed to do. But to them, it was either an accident or it makes sense. For example, peeing on themselves because they couldn’t hold it long enough to do it in the toilet.
Parenting is hard.
My mother wasn’t 100% horrible, if I said that, it would be a lie. She did the best she could as a SAHM who dedicated her life to us to make sure we were good.
None of us has ever had problems with the law, drugs, and we all have college degrees or went to trade school. But as a parent now, I know that the emotional side of parenting, we needed her.
The one thing I want to do other than giving my kids the childhood I never had, is healing my inner child.
Motherhood has let me see a lot of things that were done to us wasn’t right.
Healing my inner child means that I am willing to heal my emotional and mental state in order to be a better mom to my kids.
As daughters of the Most High, this is the season, the right time to start healing your inner child.
Subscribe to my newsletter below to get a free Gratitude Journal 😁